Wisdom

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
   
   2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
   
   3) There is a great need for sarcasm font.
   
   4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
   
   5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
   
   6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
   
   7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
   
   8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
   
   9) Bad decisions make good stories
   
   10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
   
   11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
   
   12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
   
   13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
   
   14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
   
   15) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
   
   16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with martinis than Kay.
   
   Bonus Funnies:
   
   I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, government, healthcare, real estate prices, the stock market, the federal deficit, Iraq, Afghanistan, global warming, my savings, Social Security, credit card debt........I called the Suicide Hotline. ... I got a call center in Pakistan .....told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck